Now that we’ve established how beneficial and joyful gift giving can be, it’s time to take a look at which gift is the right one to buy. Choosing the perfect present has always been a strength of mine – here’s what some past recipients have had to say:

• My brother: “That’s awesome!”
• My best friend: “I don’t know what to say!”
• My mother: “Don’t you have school work you could be doing?”

So you see, I’m not just making this stuff up. In my years of gift picking, buying, wrapping, and presenting, I’ve learnt a thing or two and now, for the first time ever, I’m going to share them with the world.

I have condensed my giving theory down to three main principles. The gift you get for any given recipient should be:

1. Reflective of your specific relationship with the recipient
2. Usable but not needed; fun but not superfluous
3. In the same price range as their present for you

With these three rules it’s easy to pick out the perfect gift. Now, let’s go into some further depth in each:

1. Reflective of your specific relationship with the recipient

This rule is the backbone of the emotional aspect of giving. It’s true that you could give someone a present just for them to enjoy that item, but the bond created between giver and recipient by the gift is in many cases just as enjoyable. When one of my dear friends headed off to Halifax over the summer to begin her education, I gave her a gossip magazine with a Subway restaurant gift card in it; the gossip magazine because we used to read them together and the Subway card because she introduced me to the wonders of fast food sandwiches so many years ago. The presents have an emotional attachment to them, which makes them that much more meaningful. When picking out a gift for your friend/partner/sibling/parent/etc. try to think of something that only you, of everyone they know, would have known they’d be likely to enjoy. Consider inside jokes, clubs that you two are members of, conversations you’ve had, etc.

2. Usable but not needed; fun but not superfluous

This one can get tricky. There’s a school of thought that says a gift should be purely fun and whimsical, and if it’s practical it’s boring. This is true of the occasional present, but the problem is that people end up with dozens of trinkets and knick-knacks and whatnots that, though cute, take up room and lose their appeal very quickly. When my mother went to Disney World last year she brought me home a hockey-puck sized device with a button that, when pushed, plays an audio recording of the Scar character from the Lion King saying “I’m surrounded by idiots!” Yes, it’s cute and fun and all that, but now I have a hockey-puck sized device that does nothing but shout at me in Jeremy Irons’ voice lying around and taking up space on my bookshelf.

(more…)

I’ll start with a confession: I don’t celebrate Christmas. At all. But that doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely love gift-giving around the Holidays. I’ve always seen it as an art and a joy; the careful skill and intuition behind picking the right present for someone close to me and the absolute thrill of watching them open it. But every so often, I find myself questioning Holiday gifting and giving in general, and whether or not I am truly helping people the way I think I am. This year, I decided to a little research and a little thinking before I rushed out to the mall.

One of the first hits on my Google search of “philosophy gift giving” was a quote by American memoirist Maya Angelou: “giving liberates the soul of the giver”. It’s a lovely phrase and it underscores the Christian message that Angelou is conveying, that gifting is an inherently holy act. Even though I may not accept the spiritual aspect of it, I definitely concede to believing in the warm, comforting feeling of having just given a gift. But then I have to wonder: am I just giving for my own benefit?

A Google search of “psychology gift giving” brings up the social psychological notion of reciprocity, which states that people feel the desire to respond to a positive action – such as a gift – with another positive action. In other words, people know that recipients are likely to give another gift in return, and so gifters may in fact have ulterior motives. And before I have time to get offended, I remember the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche and his beliefs on the unconscious will to power. Nietzsche claimed the desire to control other people is so closely hard-wired in our brains that actions such as gift-giving, praise, and even love are ways of getting people to respond in turn, thereby controlling their actions.

By this point, I am completely bummed. One of the greatest sources of joy in my life has just been shown to be a self-indulgent sham; I guess I won’t be doing any Christmas shopping, after all. But just as I am about to leave the room, a thought jumps into my head. It’s the memory of a story a friend once told me about people who go into drive-through lines at Starbucks coffee stores in the US and hand the cashier money for the drink of the person behind them. When that person drives up and discovers that their order’s been paid for, they pay for the person behind them. And so on and so forth, sometimes up to 40 people in a row before someone grabs their drink and drives off without paying it forward. In this scenario, people are reciprocating positive actions, but not necessarily back to the person who started them; they’re passing the giving along to someone else. If this phenomenon is true of Starbucks drive-throughs, it must be true of humanity in general. When I give to someone, they will feel the need to give back – not necessarily to me, but to the world.

In my renewed faith in humanity, I quickly did a little more research and came across Drive Thru Difference: an awesome initiative that empowers people to start a chain of giving wherever they are. It also inspired me to do a little more research on the psychology of gift giving and reciprocity. Another Google search and I’ve stumbled upon a quote by Carolyn Costley of the University of Waikato. She says that“gift exchange creates and reinforces emotional bonds between givers and receivers” and adds that “people who spent money on others were happier than people who spent it on themselves”. Not only is gifting good for the world, it’s good for me too.

As I finish typing this, I’m grabbing my jacket and about to head out the door; I have class soon. Maybe on my way there I’ll start to compile my Holiday shopping list.

Stay tuned for part two: “Thoughtful Gifting”!

To learn more about Maya Angelou, check out her official website. The above quote is taken from Part 3 of Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now.

To learn more about reciprocity in social psychology, check out this eNotes summary.

To learn more about Nietzsche and the will to power, check out his entry in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

To learn more about the Drive Thru Difference and how you can start one of your very own, check out the movement’s Facebook page.

To learn more about Carolyn Costley and the psychology of gift-giving, check out this editorial.

A few weeks ago I asked U of T-ers (UT-ers?) on twitter to tell me what they listened to when they study.

Songs we like to listen to include:

• The Long Way Home, by Norah Jones
• Banquet, by Bloc Party
• Levels, by Avicii
• Ghost Division, Into the Fire, and Talvisota, by Sabaton
• Marchin’ On, by OneRepublic
• One Step At A Time, by Jordin Sparks
• Animal, Miike Snow
• Where You’re Coming From, Matt & Kim
• Comme des enfant, Cœur de pirate

Some of us like to listen to certain artists too:

• Yiruma
• Bon Iver
• The Pogues (This UTnian said that you can’t get better than drunk Brits singing!)
• Drake, but only when he mentions Toronto.
• Joe Hisaishi
• Daft Punk
• Epik High
• Chris Botti

If you want previews of any of these songs, you can go look them up on Youtube. Personally, I like to use Grooveshark. It’s a site where you can listen to songs, artists and playlists that are completely customizable or sorted by genre. For those of us that don’t download (which is all of us right? *cough*), this is a better alternative to streaming Youtube videos, since streaming and buffering times are much faster.

We also have our very own CIUT 89.5FM, which features “alternative radio and interesting music.” It’s been on air since 1966, so give it a listen and support our U of T DJs and talk show hosts. Broadcasting out of Hart House, they aim to provide an alternative to mainstream radio and try to reflect the diversity of our community.

This is by no means a comprehensive list. I’m pretty sure our student body has a much more diverse and exotic playlist than what I have here. What do you listen to when you study? Tell us below!

If you listen to music while you study, and you don't jam on your computer... Well, I don't believe you.

I can feel it in the air – that distinct sense of shifting, as students are handing in their last essays and attending their last few lectures; the end of the semester is finally approaching, and as usual, it looks gruesome. The exam period – not only the actual writing of the tests, but the process of studying – overnights at Robarts, rewriting and rereading, cue cards, highlighters, coffee, sweatpants, snow, slouching – is just around the corner. It’s not a pretty time for U of T students, but it’s always laced with the comforting knowledge that winter break, that brief pause in our otherwise non-stop academic year (pardon me – there was that oh-so-satisfying “micro reading week”) where we might do a bit reading for year-long courses, but mostly can sleep, breathe, eat, and do all those other things that normal, non-U of T students do regularly and might consider, in fact, necessary to human survival.

I’m hoping to maintain my peace of mind during exam season this year, and while I know those moments of panic are unavoidable, there are certainly a lot of opportunities on campus for students to relax and defeat the stress plague, if only momentarily.

Hart House offers a variety of programs to soothe the stressed student:

• Massage Mondays – Yes, this is exactly what it sounds like. Free massages, because U of T knows – you deserve it.
• Lunchtime Crafts – Personally, I find arts and crafts to be really relaxing – though, of course, I have never produced anything presentable. Distract yourself with a little A&C, and who knows, maybe you will produce a great work!
• ThursTeas – Enjoy a warm cup of tea at Hart House while chatting with some new friends or reading a (non-school related, perhaps) book.
• Let Shakespeare distract you with the production of Macbeth playing at Hart House Theatre until November 26.
• Jazz at Oscars – This free event every Friday night brings all sorts of different music to the Hart House Arbor Room. Be entranced by live music to distract yourself from stress. The monthly Sunday concert in the Great Hall might also be of interest.

It’s difficult for students to keep up exercising during exam time, but sometimes going to the gym is exactly what you need to wake you up and keep you studying productively. Both the Athletic centre and Hart House offer a wide variety of drop-in fitness classes. The AC has free yoga among its repertoire, certainly a relaxing pastime.

The Multi-Faith Centre offers a variety of yoga and meditation courses over the term, designed to help you relax and find peace of mind.

The Angela Grauerholz exhibit is still on the University of Toronto Art Centre until November 26, and the centre remains open until December 10, for your perusing pleasure. Take your mind off exams by taking a brief tour through this great U of T resource.

Every Friday night at Innis Café, story tellers come deliver tales for “1001 Friday Nights of Storytelling”, a tradition which has been running since 1978. A well-told story could be just the right thing you need to wind down and distract yourself from the looming stress of exams. Innis Town Hall also has inexpensive movies playing throughout the exam period, which may also serve as a welcome distraction.

Exam period is one I clearly characterize as bleak, but I think there are definitely ways to limit your stress. You do yourself a disservice by climbing under a pile of books in a library for a week and not facing the light of day until you are forced to enter the outside world in order to walk to your exam destination. Taking some time during the exam period to not study for exams will make the time you spend studying all the more productive. It’s always a pleasant feeling to realize that the world is going on when you feel like it’s ending, so allow yourself to bear witness to that comforting truth by taking a break. Whether it’s a yoga class, or just a walk around our beautiful campus, indulge yourself this exam period, if only for a moment.

Who: ONE LOVE: U of T Students for Jamaica

What: Bake sale

Time: Tuesday, November 22 · 11:30am – 2:30pm

Location: Sidney Smith Hall, 100 st.George street

Would you like to grab a quick snack? Come visit us at our table to buy tasty snacks and learn more about our club.We will be selling various types of baked goods. All the money will be given to support our brothers and sisters in the town of Riverton Meadows, Jamaica. So if you are passing through Sid Smith come drop by and say hello.

For more information, visit the group’s website or Facebook page.

The bake sales are back on campus! While they’re a great way to promote and fundraise for a club, they’re also a great way to get your muffin fix on a dreary day. What’s better than homemade baked goodies? (Sleep is an invalid answer. It does not exist.)

I have recently fallen in love with the heavenly thing normal people like to call the “banana chocolate chip muffin” and what I like to call “OMIGODTHISISSOGOODICANTTAKEIT” (said with a mouthful of muffin). To show my love, I have written a poem.

How dare you
Marry without me knowing!
Brought together in the heat of baking,
Union consummated in my mouth,
Tickling my taste buds
In ways I never before imagined.

How could you
Not tell me?
I thought we were friends, banana!
Friend enough for you to share.
So what if I don’t like chocolate?
I would’ve given it a chance.

It’s okay now
Because I know.
I will look for you two.
Look for you and find you.
I will be that annoying third wheel
And eat you.

My unreasonable obsession aside, remember to support our campus groups! Get to know them! You can find them in Sid Smith, Med Sci, and various other places around campus. Muffins, cupcakes and cookies are usually staples.

Of course, if you know where I can find banana chocolate chip muffins, call me up. Right. Away.

In a university that has an incredibly international student populace and in an age in which people are more open-minded to other cultures, intercultural relationships are (not surprisingly) becoming a common phenomenon. In my own experience, I’ve noted a few factors of these relationships that notable:

The learning experience

Culture

When you’re in a relationship, especially at the beginning, you want to learn as much as you can about the other person. You ask for favourite colours (mine’s green), favourite food (lasagna), number of siblings, traditions, values, and a variety of other details both big and small.
When it comes to intercultural relationships, there is whole other level of learning about the other person. The values and opinions that each person has, is created in part by the culture they belong to. So, you not only learn about the person, you learn about the history and the formation of a culture and nationality completely different to your own.

It’s a mutual sharing experience as well. You want to share your culture as much as you want to learn about the other. I see this both in my relationship (combination Canadian-Argentine and Azerbaijani) as well as in the ones my friends are in. There’s an interchange of values between Japanese and Arabs, Canadian and Bajans, Latin American and Icelandic. Such different cultures in each relationship, and these lead sometimes to arguments, others to jokes, and others to moments of understanding that deepen the relationship even more. Even in our university student youth, we learn about the cultures that surround us by simply learning from the people we are with, and it’s quite a fun experience!

Language

Hola – Bonjour – Arigato – Ciao – Hello

The other learning experience that comes up is language. In my own case, I have only recently bought a self-teaching language book so that I can speak one of the other languages my boyfriend speaks (Russian), while he is learning Spanish. Granted, there are other reasons for which we are learning the languages, but – at least on my side – wanting to communicate with him on another level is a main one. And again, this goes beyond me as well. It’s a case of wanting to interact with your boyfriend/girlfriend in a way that not many others can. Plus, it’s a lot easier to have secret (or dirty) conversations in public without anyone else knowing what you’re saying!

Expectations

One thing that is clear in intercultural relationships is that there are always different expectations that tend to rise from the cultural difference. An example: Meeting the family. In Latin American cultures, meeting your partner’s family is done after (at most) two weeks of dating. After that, you are pretty much incorporated into the family, you join for big meals, and you are treated with the same amount of joviality as you would from your own family. However, I have now faced the reality that other cultures aren’t as comfortable with this idea, so, as I expect my boyfriend to meet my family ASAP, he’s thinking that it’s going to be another year before he does so! We both expect completely different things because of the way we grew up and what we were taught.

This variance in expectations can be seen in specific cases:

The Latina woman: A Latina will expect – to all you boys out there who are looking for one – a guy to be confident in himself. Not only that, but he should not be afraid to give a compliment to a girl, or to take control when needed. A Latina woman needs to feel both in control and dependent at the same time, so you have to be masterful and learn to use a certain type of finesse for them.
Tip: They like chocolate, and flowers

The Canadian guy: (from what I’ve observed) is shy (unless he’s too cocky, however, we will ignore this particular specimen). I’ve seen them to require girls that are cheesy up to an extent, but cannot handle (or don’t want to handle) too much drama or cattiness from girls. Traditional and quiet, but always ready to laugh, the Canadian boy tends to look for girls he can talk to easily, laugh with, and love easily.

Conclusion

We live in a city and go a university that both exemplify the idea of multiculturalism that Canada portrays to the world. Even at our ages, intercultural relationships are a real thing. Like any other relationship, they have their problems, and their successes, and they have a level to them that adds something interesting and new to one’s life. Mine, at the moment, is my cup of tea, however, I won’t tell you to run out and find the most exotic person you can to try a relationship with. All I’m saying is keep your mind (or heart) open, and be willing to learn something new.

Yours,

A