Not too long ago, I posted a press release for Green Dot Week and, this Wednesday, I decided to attend a Green Dot talk at Innis to learn more.

I’d first like to mention how impressed I was with the presenter, Cheryl. Incorporating personal experiences with violence to show how the Green Dot may actually be applied to everyday life, she also illustrated that the person doing the hurting is not necessarily the only one with a choice to make.

If you didn’t read the press release, you’re probably wondering what the heck the Green Dot is. Here’s a brief summary:

The Green Dot initiative focuses on ending act of power-based personal violence – Red Dots – which include partner violence, sexual violence, or stalking, through the use of the three Ds. As written on the postcard I received at the talk, the three Ds are:
Direct: ’If you think someone you know could be in an abusive relationship, tell them you’re concerned.’
Distract: ‘If you see someone trying to isolate someone else who has been drinking heavily, find an excuse to get that person safely out of the situation.’
Delegate: ’If you’re concerned for someone’s safety, but it feels dangerous to intervene, get other people to help, including security or police if necessary.’
(Please note that not all Ds will be appropriate for every situation – it’s up to you to decide which one will work best.)
The Green Dot initiative also works to support survivors and create a culture less tolerant of violence.

There’s a certain stigma when it comes to talking about violence. Yes, violence can be difficult to talk about, but it needs to be addressed if we ever want to see a world without it. Cheryl noted that you may need to overcome some personal obstacles, social/peer pressure, and/or the bystander effect (assuming that another person is going to deal with the problem), in order to work up the courage to put the Green Dot initiative into action. But you know what? In putting the Green Dot to work, not only could you be protecting someone from a dangerous situation, you could also be letting them know that you care about their wellbeing. In doing so, the Green Dot makes violence more visible, and offers survivors a sense of hope that they don’t have to suffer in silence.

I fully support this initiative, and I wear my Green Dot button to serve as a constant reminder of my duty to put the Green Dot to work and put an end to violence.

Are you interested in learning more? Check out Green Dot’s official website or Facebook Page, or attend the talk on January 24. Also, Green Dot is offering Green Dot Bystander Training Days, which are taking place on the following days:
January 28, 2012 at UTM
February 4, 2012 at St. George
Reading Week – All Campuses
Each training days will offer a full day of skills development and, at the end of the day, participants will receive a certificate of completion.

So, what’s your Green Dot going to be?

For months, we have seen the “This Close” campaign at work. For years, Rotary
International, with the WHO, UNICEF and U.S. Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention have worked together to eliminate polio. We are 99% of the way
there, but we need you to help eliminate the final 1%.

Invite your friends, family and colleagues, and enjoy a night of networking and fellowship. This film and event may be of special interest to students and faculty in health studies, development and international relations programs. Feel free to take advantage of this invaluable networking opportunity!

When: Friday, January 27, 2012 at 7:30pm (registration at 7:00pm)
Where: TIFF Bell Lightbox – Cinema 4
What: Screening of Benda Belili! - An informal reception will follow the screening
Why: Fundraiser for End Polio Now the Rotary $200 Million Dollar challenge

Tickets are sold online for $30 each. There is a limited number available.

Reflections

My brother got a turtle wall calendar and an anthology of H. P Lovecraft, my mother got a high-quality retro-style kitchen timer, my best friend got an irreverent guide to –isms, and my cousin got a flip calendar of 365 words to make her sound smarter. Of the gifts I gave this season these were the highlights, or at the very least the presents that were best-received. I was very aware when I gave them, having spent the past little while writing and thinking about the act of gift-giving. I paid close attention to my recipients’ reactions and what their first thoughts on their gifts were. As predicted, the newspaper wrapping did little to impress but a lot to conceal and titillate, the cards were meager but heartfelt, and the knowledge that these gifts represented a shared pleasure among me and my friends. Is my soul liberated? I don’t know. Did I feel just as warm and fuzzy as my recipients when sharing the moments with my friends and family? Absolutely.

Miscellanea (AKA Qs I Wish Were FA)

Q: Are there any gifts I should never buy?

A: Candles seem to be very popular as presents even though they’re a poor choice 99.99% of the time; they come off looking very last-minute and poorly thought-out. Scented candles may also be implying something about your recipient’s home. Seriously.

Q: I am exchanging gifts with someone for the first time this year, and I don’t know the value of what they’re going to get me. What do I do?

A: Remember that your recipient is in the same boat you are, and come up with your closest ballpark guess. Then, once you’ve opened the gift they’ve gotten you, make sure to gush about it and compliment as much as possible: if it’s more expensive than the one you’ve bought you’ll be letting the giver know you truly appreciate the extra dollar they’ve put in; if it’s less expensive than the one you’ve bought they’ll feel better knowing that you don’t feel their gift is inadequate.

Q: I notice a disturbing omission of home-made gifts in your posts. What’s up with that, you consumerist monster?

A: I haven’t bothered to write about home-made presents because there is very little I can say about them. What you make is a reflection of you and what you want to express, and I can’t really evaluate if what you’re expressing is right or not. When in doubt, a store-bought gift is the way to go, but if you’re certain of your ability to make a gift that meets rules 1 and 2 from Part 2, go for it.

Q: What are your thoughts on gift receipts?

A: Always include a gift receipt for clothing and electronics, in case they need to be returned because they don’t fit or are defective. In other cases, gift receipts make it seem as though you want or expect your recipient to exchange your gift and that you doubt the quality of the gift you’ve bought. Part of the joy of getting a present is the knowledge that is was chosen for you, but a gift receipt makes it seem as though you are choosing for yourself.

Q: What are your thoughts on gift cards?

A: Gift cards are excellent presents for people you don’t know very well. Starbucks, Tim Hortons, Cineplex, and Indigo! are almost guaranteed hits because of their popularity and/or large selections. Do not give a gift card to someone you know well for the same reason you shouldn’t give them an arbitrary present with a gift receipt: it’s lazy and impersonal.

Q: Do I get gifts for my professors or TAs?

A: Uh, no. It may seem like a nice gesture, and I hazard one in every 5 professors and TAs would genuinely appreciate it, but the rest would likely interpret a holiday present as an attempt at apple-polishing. If you feel you have a truly special relationship with your TA or professor you could give it a shot, but it’s risky. People for whom you should buy (small) presents: peer mentors, FLC leaders, advisors, academic dons, and other staff in your residence you see frequently. Good small gift ideas include small boxes of chocolate or candy from Shoppers and low-value gift cards to coffee shops.

I hope you’ve all enjoyed this series on student holiday gift-giving as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Have a merry rest of the holidays, a happy (and safe) New Year, and enjoy the rest of your winter break. You’ve earned it.

Gift Wrapping

Though it may seem like an old-fashioned redundancy to some, gift-wrapping can make your present that much more appealing and exciting. Wrapping should be reserved to six-sided gifts and presents that won’t look awkward covered in paper. For gifts of other shapes and sizes, try putting them at the bottom of a gift bag stuffed with tissue paper or in an appropriate-sized box that you can then wrap. Stores like Indigo!, Dollarama, and Shoppers Drug Mart sell a wide variety of solid-coloured and patterned wrappings, but there are plenty of cheaper or free options for us cash-strapped students:

• Newspaper – There are literally dozens of free newspapers circulated on campus, all of which can become free and nifty gift wrap. For UofT students, try using the official newspaper from your recipient’s college. Foreign-language newspapers are especially cool.
• Maps – Who uses maps when we have the internet? Exactly! Paper maps are things of the past, so people shouldn’t mind parting with them. Ask your friends if you don’t have any of your own.
• Comic books – For $2 you can pick up a comic book from a nearby retailer and surprise your friends and family by wrapping their gifts in comic book pages. Just gently remove the staples – no tearing – and you’ll have 16 sheets of bold-coloured, eye-catching, onomatopoeia-blaring wrapping paper. For smaller gifts only.
• Potato Chip Bag – Credit for this one goes to the brilliant minds at Martha Stewart Living. Buy one of those foil bags of potato chips, cut it open along the seem, clean it thoroughly with a damp cloth and dish soap, and wrap with the silver side down. Works with other food packaging as well. For smaller gifts only.

To learn the basics of gift-wrapping, check out this tutorial.

Cards

So you’ve got the perfect gift and it looks – if you’ll pardon my language – dope; now all you need is the adjoining card. Cards are a good way of letting your recipient know the gift is from you even if you’re not handing it to them in person, but they’re also a nice memento to keep even after the wrapping is torn and gone. The trick with writing a gift card is that simplicity is key; don’t get too mushy or poetic. Never buy a mass-produced drug store-type card – they’re tacky and impersonal, and even scrawling “Merry Christmas” in magic marker on printer paper is preferable. Special cards that are produced in limited quantity, however, such as those sold at Kelly Library made by St Michael’s College’s antique printers, can be a beautiful addition to your gift.

Etiquette

While many of the rituals considered within the realm of etiquette are no longer practised due to their apparent obsolescence, it’s okay to check the book every now and again to figure out exactly what the best way to go about something like this is. For me, that book is The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, the best-selling guide by American etiquette expert Amy Vanderbilt. The 1995 edition I picked up at a used book store has paid for itself time and again, such as when I hosted a dinner party with between 7 and 12 guest and only one maid, or when I had to give that toast at an engagement party in which most of the guests were on the bride’s side and I on the groom’s. In regards to gift-giving, Amy offers these wonderful tips:

1. Keep a record of every gift you’re given and every gift you give and by whom. This will allow you to take note of who gave you gifts last year, which will allow you to determine to whom you will give this years’.
2. Re-gifting is perfectly acceptable, so long as you completely rewrap the gift and remove any evidence it was intended for you, and give it someone the recipient does not know.
3. At a party, put the gifts you’ve brought with the others already there and do not present them to their recipients until everyone else does. If you find that you’re the only one who’s brought gifts, try to hide them as best as you can until you can discreetly give them away.
4. Giving a gift in person is always preferable to sending your assistant or valet [or friend].
5. It is presumptuous to assume that a gift to be used by more than one person (i.e.: tickets to an event) given by you to someone else will be shared with you. It is also rude to directly request this. If you would like to join your guest, ask with whom they were planning to share the present and mention how exciting it sounds.
6. Bringing up a gift someone’s given you in the past in conversation (i.e.: “oh, I was just reading that book you got me…”) is a good way to build a connection. However, mentioning a gift that someone else has given you can be alienating.

Holiday Shopping Near Campus

1. BMV Books - 471 Bloor Street West

Most UofT students are already familiar the gigantic and glorious BMV bookstore. Its proximity to campus and wide selection of academic and literary books at reasonable prices makes it a popular spot for students to pick up textbooks and stimulating reads. What many students don’t realize, however, is that BMV is also an excellent source for holiday shopping on a budget. Their selection is enormous and includes graphic novels, beautiful hardcover art books, cookbooks, popular fiction, and a strong international selection including classics in other languages and translations from all over the world. Remember the first guideline from Part Two: a gift should reflect your relationship with the recipient? Well, there’s always a book for that. If you two are in the same club or class, you can get a book on that topic. If your recipient has expressed interest in taking up knitting or sewing or cooking or yoga or sketching or interpretive dance, there’s a book for that. If your beneficiary has a particular sense of humour or appreciation for a certain type of poetry or style, you’re sure to find a novel or anthology that they’ll appreciate – you just need to do a little digging first. BMV salespeople know the store well, but with the sheer volume of texts available it’s unlikely that they can recommend anything to exact specifications. Just take your time, soak up the literary atmosphere, and flip through books like crazy until you’ve found the right one.

2. Blue Banana Market - 250 Augusta Avenue (Kensington Market)

Blue Banana is a marketplace that rents out space to a variety of different vendors throughout the store, creating an interesting and eclectic mix of goods for sale. At times it’s possible to find a beautiful watercolour, an hilarious fridge magnet, vintage candy, and awesome winter hats within a few metres of each other. Blue Banana tends to run a little pricey, but with the amount of one-of-a-kind and hard-to-find gifts there, it’s worth it. The great variation of items for sale makes the BB a great source of inspiration if you’re unsure of what to buy; something’s bound to pop out at you. And if not, you can at the very least enjoy a Double Decker Bar.

Apparently, some people don't find this as awesome as I do. Weird, right?

3. The Eaton’s Centre - 220 Yonge Street

Probably the most conventional location on this list, the Eaton’s Centre is by far the best reason to ever risk running into a Ryerson student out there in the wild southeast. An enormous shopping mall the likes of which many have never seen, The Eaton’s Centre covers an entire city block in the heart of downtown with a wide variety of fashion stores and other typical mall-y stuff. They also have an Indigo! bookstore and some other stuff, but clothing is the largest draw. Popular chain stores in the EC include H&M, Lululemon, Abercrombie & Fitch, The Gap, and so much more.

Remember: only buy clothing for someone if you are absolutely certain of their size.

4. The Internet - Everywhere!

With the number of online stores growing by the minute, the internet has become a great place to shop for gifts. Search bars allow you to enter keywords to find gifts to your specifications, and the variety is unparalleled. Here is a breakdown of some major shopping sites:

• Amazon

Cheap and with a huge selection, Amazon connects to major stores and individual sellers to bring you competitive pricing on just about everything. There are also fewer scams circulating through Amazon than at other sites, and they can deliver straight to your door within days of ordering.

• eBay

eBay allows individuals to sell their good online directly to others without a middleman. This means cheap prices and oddly specific items you might not find elsewhere, but it also means the possibility of scams, misrepresented items, and odious sellers trying to rip you off. Always check the feedback percentage of the seller; if it’s less than 90% you can forget it.

• Craig’s List

Offering free, anonymous personals and listings in an extensive range of topics, Craig’s List is often coveted by students as the holy grail of free, cheap dorm stuff. The elimination of shipping costs makes it cheaper than eBay, but the limitation of your mobility means the selection can be lousy. Beware of scams, frauds, predators, and the like, and always meet in a public place. Seriously.

• Threadless

What? You’ve never heard of Threadless? That’s too bad. Threadless.com prints shirts designed by enterprising young artists and sells them for reasonable prices across North America. You always know what you’re going to get, and you’re always going to get it. The shirts are brilliant and beautiful and often hilarious, and the selection is enormous.

"Spoilt" T-Shirt Design by Olly Moss. My Absolute Favourite.

And there you have it: how to get started buying gifts for the holidays. Of course, there are plenty of other places in our fine city to shop, but if you were stumped these are great places to start.

Stay tuned for part four: “Wrapping, Cards, and Presentation”

• My brother: “That’s awesome!”
• My best friend: “I don’t know what to say!”
• My mother: “Don’t you have school work you could be doing?”

So you see, I’m not just making this stuff up. In my years of gift picking, buying, wrapping, and presenting, I’ve learnt a thing or two and now, for the first time ever, I’m going to share them with the world.

I have condensed my giving theory down to three main principles. The gift you get for any given recipient should be:

1. Reflective of your specific relationship with the recipient
2. Usable but not needed; fun but not superfluous
3. In the same price range as their present for you

With these three rules it’s easy to pick out the perfect gift. Now, let’s go into some further depth in each:

1. Reflective of your specific relationship with the recipient

This rule is the backbone of the emotional aspect of giving. It’s true that you could give someone a present just for them to enjoy that item, but the bond created between giver and recipient by the gift is in many cases just as enjoyable. When one of my dear friends headed off to Halifax over the summer to begin her education, I gave her a gossip magazine with a Subway restaurant gift card in it; the gossip magazine because we used to read them together and the Subway card because she introduced me to the wonders of fast food sandwiches so many years ago. The presents have an emotional attachment to them, which makes them that much more meaningful. When picking out a gift for your friend/partner/sibling/parent/etc. try to think of something that only you, of everyone they know, would have known they’d be likely to enjoy. Consider inside jokes, clubs that you two are members of, conversations you’ve had, etc.

2. Usable but not needed; fun but not superfluous

This one can get tricky. There’s a school of thought that says a gift should be purely fun and whimsical, and if it’s practical it’s boring. This is true of the occasional present, but the problem is that people end up with dozens of trinkets and knick-knacks and whatnots that, though cute, take up room and lose their appeal very quickly. When my mother went to Disney World last year she brought me home a hockey-puck sized device with a button that, when pushed, plays an audio recording of the Scar character from the Lion King saying “I’m surrounded by idiots!” Yes, it’s cute and fun and all that, but now I have a hockey-puck sized device that does nothing but shout at me in Jeremy Irons’ voice lying around and taking up space on my bookshelf.

"Oh, and it goes with everything!"

On the inverse, it’s important to remember that gifting is supposed to be joyful and not practical. My birthday is September 1st (hint, hint) so I would often get school supplies for the upcoming year from friends. True, I used them, and they never went to waste, but I didn’t really enjoy playing with that pencil sharpener from Russell H. in grade four. Yes, I remembered.

In the above example of the Subway card and the magazine, the gift card is very practical: my friend is a picky eater who probably won’t adapt quickly to dorm food, and I found out a la Google Maps that there was a Subway right by her residence. She doesn’t need the card, but, by George, she’s going to appreciate it.

3. In the same price range as their present for you

Remember when we talked about reciprocity and the will to power and all that? Well, this is your chance to avoid it as much as possible. If you’re getting a gift for a friend, you must consider their price range and what they might get for you. If there is an economic disparity between the two of you, one of you may be put in an awkward situation when the present you receive is much more expensive than the one you’ve bought. The person with more money should always be the one to adjust the value of their gift, as they can obviously afford to go cheaper but the person with less money cannot get something more expensive. Carefully consider how much you think someone else will be willing to spend on you to avoid this fiscal faux pas.

Exception: Parents and May-December romances with Barons and Earls. In these cases, the relationship itself is contingent on wealth, so you don’t need to worry as much. Do not try to match the value of the gift; it’s led to way too many problems between Archie, Betty, and Veronica.

So, there you have it: the theoretical outlines for gift choosing and giving. Stay tuned for part three: “Practical Options and Where to Shop”!

One of the first hits on my Google search of “philosophy gift giving” was a quote by American memoirist Maya Angelou: “giving liberates the soul of the giver”. It’s a lovely phrase and it underscores the Christian message that Angelou is conveying, that gifting is an inherently holy act. Even though I may not accept the spiritual aspect of it, I definitely concede to believing in the warm, comforting feeling of having just given a gift. But then I have to wonder: am I just giving for my own benefit?

A Google search of “psychology gift giving” brings up the social psychological notion of reciprocity, which states that people feel the desire to respond to a positive action – such as a gift – with another positive action. In other words, people know that recipients are likely to give another gift in return, and so gifters may in fact have ulterior motives. And before I have time to get offended, I remember the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche and his beliefs on the unconscious will to power. Nietzsche claimed the desire to control other people is so closely hard-wired in our brains that actions such as gift-giving, praise, and even love are ways of getting people to respond in turn, thereby controlling their actions.

By this point, I am completely bummed. One of the greatest sources of joy in my life has just been shown to be a self-indulgent sham; I guess I won’t be doing any Christmas shopping, after all. But just as I am about to leave the room, a thought jumps into my head. It’s the memory of a story a friend once told me about people who go into drive-through lines at Starbucks coffee stores in the US and hand the cashier money for the drink of the person behind them. When that person drives up and discovers that their order’s been paid for, they pay for the person behind them. And so on and so forth, sometimes up to 40 people in a row before someone grabs their drink and drives off without paying it forward. In this scenario, people are reciprocating positive actions, but not necessarily back to the person who started them; they’re passing the giving along to someone else. If this phenomenon is true of Starbucks drive-throughs, it must be true of humanity in general. When I give to someone, they will feel the need to give back – not necessarily to me, but to the world.

In my renewed faith in humanity, I quickly did a little more research and came across Drive Thru Difference: an awesome initiative that empowers people to start a chain of giving wherever they are. It also inspired me to do a little more research on the psychology of gift giving and reciprocity. Another Google search and I’ve stumbled upon a quote by Carolyn Costley of the University of Waikato. She says that“gift exchange creates and reinforces emotional bonds between givers and receivers” and adds that “people who spent money on others were happier than people who spent it on themselves”. Not only is gifting good for the world, it’s good for me too.

As I finish typing this, I’m grabbing my jacket and about to head out the door; I have class soon. Maybe on my way there I’ll start to compile my Holiday shopping list.

Stay tuned for part two: “Thoughtful Gifting”!

To learn more about Maya Angelou, check out her official website. The above quote is taken from Part 3 of Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now.

To learn more about reciprocity in social psychology, check out this eNotes summary.

To learn more about Nietzsche and the will to power, check out his entry in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

To learn more about the Drive Thru Difference and how you can start one of your very own, check out the movement’s Facebook page.

To learn more about Carolyn Costley and the psychology of gift-giving, check out this editorial.

On Friday, Nov. 25, we will be holding a SUSHI class, YOGA class, and HIP HOP class.

11am-12pm: Come learn how to make sushi in the International Student Centre (Cumberland House) Baldwin Room (33 St. George Street). It’s healthy, easy, and ready just in time for lunch. Only $8!

3pm-4pm: Take a yoga class and learn how to breathe again in the Multifaith Centre (Koffler House) Multipurpose Room (569 Spadina Ave). Beginner to advanced participants are welcome. Only $5!

7pm-8pm: Stay active and learn cool new dance skills at a hip hop dance class in the Hart House Activities Room. Only $5!

Attend two events for only $10, or three for $15!

*Spaces are limited, so get your tickets soon.*

Tickets will be sold TODAY in the MedSci building in front of Starbucks from 11am-12pm and 1pm-5pm. Look for the Heart & Stroke banner and red Heart & Stroke T shirts. If you are unable to pick up your ticket during this time, please email heartandstroke.uoft@gmail.com for pick-up arrangements.

Come out for a fun and exciting fitness day and support the Heart & Stroke Foundation! We hope to see you there!

Change calls for action. That’s why hundreds of people will lace up their sneakers on Saturday, November 12 and literally take steps toward change by participating in the Covenant House Step Up for Street Kids 5K walk, an event that raises money and awareness in support of homeless youth.

Why walk the walk? The 2,000 or so kids who sleep on Toronto’s streets are 2,000 or so good reasons. And last year, about 4,000 kids found shelter and support at Covenant House, an organization that relies on donors for more than 80% of its $18.8-million operating budget. Covenant House provides 24/7 crisis care 365 days a year, as well as services like education, health care, counselling, and employment assistance.

Kids who make it out there are the lucky ones. The street is a perilous place for young people, many of whom are desperate and alone after fleeing or being forced from homes where they’ve experienced abuse or neglect. Sometimes kids just fall in with the wrong crowd and end up trapped in a cycle of substance abuse and crime.

Just about anyone can wind up on the street. Homeless youth come from every part of the country and every background. About half come from middle- and upper-class homes – like Michelle, the leader of the Covenant House Step Up team. Michelle is a former resident who was able to turn her life around because of the support she received at Covenant House.

Michelle grew up in the GTA, got good grades, and didn’t get into trouble until she got to high school, where she met a new crowd and started using drugs. Once she was hooked, Michelle began to steal from her family to get her fix. She shares more about her story here.

Thankfully, Michelle found her way to Covenant House, where she spent a year getting back on track. Now she’s a college graduate looking for work in community support services. Michelle is dedicated to supporting the people and the place that helped her find her way through troubled times.

If you can’t walk the walk this year, you can still step up by sponsoring Michelle and her team. The event takes place on Saturday, November 12 at 3pm at Yonge and Dundas Square. For more information, check out http://www.covenanthouse.ca/walk or visit Covenant House on Facebook and Twitter.